In the past, submitting applications to the university admissions service Ucas was considered a pivotal moment for teenagers stepping into adulthood. After selecting their preferred universities, they would eagerly await the life-changing offers that would help them cut loose from their parents’ apron strings. However, much has changed since then. For the first time, parents can now take control of their offspring’s university applications. One in 10 of this year’s 500,000 university applicants has selected a new option on the Ucas form, permitting parents or guardians to act as their agents, ensuring their children secure a spot in the university of their choice. The Ucas website even touts the parents’ "invaluable" experiences with form-filling.
This is the era of helicopter parenting, whereby parents closely hover over their children, ever-present and always within reach, regardless of their kids’ needs. Even when their offspring reach university, they are frequently calling their parents during lectures and clamoring for them to attend open days and career fairs. In response, Huddersfield University has established a "family liaison officer" to provide round-the-clock updates to parents on their children’s progress.
University graduation is no longer the rite of passage it once was. One leading accounting firm has encountered cases of mothers pretending to be their graduate children’s secretaries to gain more information about job offers. At Hewlett-Packard, parents are negotiating their children’s salaries and relocation packages. The ubiquitous mobile phone has been dubbed "the world’s longest umbilical cord," with parents admitting to calling their offspring several times a day, even well into their 20s, essentially micro-managing their kids’ lives.
Parents have been accustomed to communicating with their children around the clock, chauffeuring them to every "enrichment activity," assisting with their school projects, denigrating their teachers when they are reprimanded, and serving as their best friends. It may come as no surprise that they do not hesitate to make calls, both to and on behalf of their adult children, such as "I don’t want you to give my daughter an overdraft limit; she’s not good with debt," "My son won’t come to work today because he has a cold," and "My daughter always travels first class; do you really expect her to travel in second class for business?".
Rather than begging their parents to leave them alone, many over-18s appear to welcome such indulgence. One recruit at a transport company was overheard telling his mother over the phone, "I have to go to London tomorrow, and they haven’t even told me how to get there." Association of Graduate Recruiters (AGR) Chief Executive Carl Gilleard states that such incidents are not uncommon.
Sue Beck is unapologetic about offering to accompany her 25-year-old daughter to job interviews and sees nothing ironic about claiming that today’s children "tend to develop more slowly." "Sometimes she’ll ask me to perform tasks like calling the doctor to tell them she’ll be late, and, until recently, there were a few occasions when she wanted me to call her job to tell them she would be late or sick. I’m happy to help. Why wouldn’t I be?"
It goes without saying that banks, universities, employers, landlords, and society as a whole could advise these parents and their kids to take responsibility for themselves. Nevertheless, as Ucas shows, the opposite is occurring.
The Newcastle Business School at Northumbria University is not an exception in providing special sessions for parents. "In the past, parents wouldn’t normally attend university open days, but over the last three years, it has become the norm," explains Tim Nichol, associate dean for undergraduate programs. "We discovered that the only way to handle it was to conduct two sessions: one for students and one for parents, who seem to be particularly interested in the Ucas application procedure, financing, accommodations, and even meeting academics."
Approximately 70% of all complaints at Keele University come directly from parents who are concerned about their children’s education. Though the complaints may range from simple questions about their child’s placement in a program to concerns about failing grades and being unable to move forward with their education, academic registrar Helena Thorley believes the parents’ knowledge of how organizations work can be beneficial. Once students’ parents have an understanding of why certain decisions have been made, they can explain it to their child.
The rise of helicopter parents coincides with the need for students (and their parents) to pay tuition fees. Now, even more than before, parents are financially involved in their children’s education. For example, more parents are paying for their adult children’s rent upfront, sometimes an entire year at a time. Landlords welcome this and encourage it. However, some parents are taking this involvement to another level and buying their children’s homes, which is something that is becoming increasingly popular.
Grandparents are also getting involved in their grandchildren’s lives at Manchester Metropolitan University. Recruitment and admissions officer Susan McGrath has noticed a significant increase in grandparents who visit on open days and provide input on their grandchildren’s decisions. She believes that it is important for students to make their own decisions and wants to prevent parents and grandparents from influencing them too much.
Some parents have even gone as far as contacting clearing helplines and asking for help to secure their child’s placement. Universities are concerned that parents may be too involved and may not allow their children to make their own decisions. These universities believe that if parents continue to interfere, it could impact their children’s success.
For instance, during careers fairs, it is becoming commonplace for parents to be present, which has some universities concerned, and they are drawing the line by prohibiting them from attending. Employers have started to notice this trend as well. Not only are parents attending career fairs, but they are also accompanying their children to job interviews. This over-involvement has led to parents even asking about their child’s job benefits and stakeholder processes.
According to Donna Miller, European HR director for Enterprise Rent-A-Car, who works in the United States and UK, the "infantilisation" of society is becoming more common. She believes that the trend has become so prevalent that businesses and universities alike must adapt to it to avoid losing out on potential talent.
Some employers are turned off by the recent trend of helicopter parenting – parents who are overly involved in their children’s lives, even when their children are young adults in the workforce. If a parent calls an employer on behalf of their child, this can be perceived as a lack of initiative from the child. However, energy company RWE npower sees these parents as allies. They believe that the more firms that reject parental involvement, the more appealing they will become to parents and guardians. They see parents as mentors and want to reassure them as much as possible. They believe that the trend of parents asking questions is beneficial to graduates, as they will gain insights into the company that they wouldn’t otherwise have. On the other hand, some employers have witnessed the negative side effects of helicopter parenting. For example, a new hire was overly sensitive, which her father had warned her employer about before her start date. This resulted in a strained relationship with her manager, leading to her leaving the company soon after. Many helicopter parents have confessed to an overreliance on their children, as clearing the path for them to attain success has become a key priority. This extreme nurturing comes partly from the baby boomer generation’s own experiences, as they competed for academic places and top jobs, leading to a belief that their children must have an easier path to success. As well as following this mantra, advances in technology have made it easier for parents to monitor and be involved in their children’s lives. Additionally, safety concerns have heightened parents’ fears that they cannot protect their children when they are far away from them.
In America, helicopter parenting has become so rampant that universities are now providing counseling to students and implementing policies aimed at gradually breaking free from this trend. However, in the UK, the issue is that Ucas, the university application service, seems to be reinforcing this idea that Generation Y (millennials) lack personal responsibility. This creates an unfair stereotype that this generation is incapable of handling their own lives, not learning from their own mistakes, and unwilling to face disappointments. It is important to give them a fair chance to prove themselves.
